i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
