Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
