I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
