How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
