dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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