so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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