Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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