I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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