PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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