He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
