dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
