ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
