You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
