but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
