I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
