Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
