you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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