Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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