There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
