Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
