I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
