well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
