i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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