Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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