Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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