GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this boner is exhausting
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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