The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
