what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
