I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
