maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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