I can tuck mytits in my pants
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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