if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
