Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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