im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
