just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
