i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
