3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
