gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't deserve a penis
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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