Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
