There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
operation have a gay friend backfired
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
