i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
