just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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