Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
