then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Randomize
