So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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