hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There are leaves in my underwear?
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