Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
