Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
