You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
