If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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